by Amy (mom to Arlo, 3-5’s)
As I write this article, thousands of people are planning to march in Washington DC tomorrow in response to the heartbreaking deaths of Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice and so many other people of color at the hands of law enforcement. These ongoing protests remind us that while color is only skin deep, people have widely different experiences based on their perceived race. It’s also underscored how important it is for all of us to talk openly about race.
So how do we talk about race with our very young children? I’ve devoted my teaching career to becoming an anti-bias, anti-racist educator. As a result, I’ve had countless conversations with middle and high school students about identity, privilege and racism. However, I’m far less experienced talking with young children and as a parent of a toddler and preschooler, I’ve been thinking about this question a lot lately.
I’ve found it helpful to review some of the research about why it’s so important to discuss the differences children notice, such as this article by Berkeley psychologist Rodolfo Mendoza-Denton. New York Times Motherlode Blog editor (and former New York City prosecutor) KJ Dell-Antonia echoes this research in many of her articles as well.
Since children recognize difference in skin color from infancy, a “colorblind” approach where children are discouraged from voicing these observations can be confusing. As Mendoza-Denton writes, “being able to talk about race (and racism!) actually leads to less prejudice in children.” While discussing certain subjects may not be developmentally appropriate, former preschool teacher and local blogger Sharon H. Chang suggests using children’s literature to normalize discussions about difference with even the youngest children. She also has a great list of anti-bias picture books here if you are looking to expand your home library.
Finally, what can you do if your child has heard recent news clips or is asking questions about the protests? Parent educator and psychologist Laura Markham offers some concrete suggestions about possible ways to guide these conversations. I especially appreciated Markham’s break down of what children are developmentally ready to discuss based on age as well as her admission that her perspective as a white parent is limited.
These resources are by no means exhaustive but they will hopefully provide some ideas about ways we can talk with our children as we work towards a more just and equitable future for all families.